What goes through my head as a mother on a daily basis is terrifying. I think of the awful things that could happen and shake it off just like any mom that has too much time at a red light. I hope for beautiful, great things, for my children and of course I hope they do not suffer. However, sometimes I feel as though I am the only one that really has their best interest at heart. Now, some people I know are already like, duh bitch… I know! OK.
What I really mean is….
I am tired of LIFE POSERS in my children’s lives. Smug asshats that think they have a right to express their idea of what may be in the best interest of my kids. Especially when they do not have children of their own. Yet, when I extend the option to be an active participant in the twins’ lives, nobody is around to set any kind of example. They say they will call them yet they do not. They say things that make it sound like they want to be an active part in their growth but they make NO effort in making sure that they follow up with actions to their words.
LIFE POSERS> People who post false greetings and displays of false sincerity, modesty and affection on facebook with the soul purpose of looking good in front of others. Even though everyone knows who those people are and that they are really pieces of shit. Phew (lol)
It amazes me how uncomfortable people get when I encourage them to reach out to the twins on their phones and make plans with them. There are some single parents that are control freaks who need to have a say in everything their kid(s) does. I am not, so I tend to put others in the precarious position on having to follow through with their fucking promises to my kids. (lol) Do not mistake me, I am grateful for the people in my children’s’ lives that care and would like to take a part in their growth in the world (Even if I do not personally like them). The thing that is most important to me is that my girls are developing healthy relationships with people while having fun growing up.
I am sure I am not the only parent who has struggled with empty promises made to their kid(s). Someone says they’ll do something with your kid(s) and backs out or follows through but in the BARE FUCKING MINIMUM way a person can when they’re phoning something in, in person (lol). Give the damn kid some credit and don’t waste their time or feelings in you if you are not even going to be mentally present in the exchange. It is not always about having money either. I know my kids have always thrived off interactions that have an emphasis on quality rather than quantity.
There are times that I have told the twins that there MAY be a possibility of an adventure but I also have always let them know the things that have to fall into place for this adventure to happen. So they know the things that entail this great possibility, therefore they can appreciate the adventure. Besides, I think it’s better to let them in on the effort it takes rather than just letting them grow up thinking mom pulls out of state camping trips out of her ass. It has taught my girls that the times that we are able to do things is special and not to not squander quality time with loved ones with a bad attitude or waste the opportunity for fun.
Off the point for a moment:
I have seen my girls go through a really rough patch these last two years. I now know the true understanding of the term “Growing Pains”. There is nothing worse than seeing your younglings in emotional pain and there is not a thing you can do to make it better. In a very condensed version of what was going on, they were dealing with their dad making room for a new partner and he did not handle the transition well when it came to the inclusion of the girls with the new partner. I did not see this as a reason to not let him have a parenting opportunity. If she is going to be part of this family then everyone needs to feel out their part in that home.
Here’s how I see it… I was NOT the only one involved in creating the BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I felt, that since I picked someone who is actually wanting to take a roll in their children’s lives that I would let him! Just because someone doesn’t do things the way you think they should be done, is not a reason to stop someone from taking an active roll in their kid’s lives. WITHIN REASON c’mon (lol).
That experience was a roller coaster of things that went wrong and sideways and right again. We decided that it was in the girls best interest that they stay with me from now on…and that’s OK. I do not judge their dad for not being capable of parenting full time the same way I do. He is a completely different person. To say that their father doesn’t feel the same love simply because he is incapable of being me when it comes to parenting is STUPID! It takes work, follow through and consistency to be able to handle what parenting has to throw at you. So when one person is faltering in parenting, do not judge them, help them.
Tying it together…cause it’s really all about communication:
While the girls were going through these life changes their father made no attempt in involving family or anyone else in this process. I later spoke with my ex’s girlfriend and she had mentioned that she felt something was wrong when they were living with their dad. I asked “what did you do? what did you say? Did you talk to them?” Her response….
“They are not my kids”…
Well, This is where I have a problem. All children deserve a voice. If you do not have kids and you are reading this and you see a child you feel may need help TALK TO THEM! It was around this time that I realized that there are so many people that I have actually thought gave a shit that don’t. Unless it is on social media, then they REALLY miss us… lol (life posers).
My point is, that my girls are the only ones that hurt when the adults in their lives can not get it the fuck together enough to be there for them when they say they will. This cycle of rejection is not healthy. Especially since social media is so influential “It’s on facebook so it must be true”. It’s hard not to feel rejected when someone says they love you on facebook and then when you call them it always goes to voicemail. Adults using their kids as fodder, fucking emotional terrorism… it’s bullshit and kids see right through it. For those who do not think that these young people don’t know what’s going on you play yourself.
It is wonderful how much forgiveness and understanding young people have for the people they love. I think we lose that because we waste our time here by not committing to being our best selves so that we may taste in the spoils together. Instead, we squash the expectations of young people by only allowing access to the parts we want them to have access to which is 80% bullshit to keep them busy and “out of the way”. It is no wonder with the forced inception into functional society through school at the age of 5 that we see more and more people yearning……. trynna get woke (lol)
Thanks for reading 🙂